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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22610272">War With Myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDisaster/pseuds/HeavenlyDisaster'>HeavenlyDisaster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Letters From a Living Ghost [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mystalt - Fandom, The Rook (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Multi, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:23:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22610272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDisaster/pseuds/HeavenlyDisaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the last installation of Letters, Myfanwy is disappointed to learn that Gestalt doesn't want to tell her everything.  She decides she'd rather look into her past on her own.  After vultures chase her through the underground, she finds herself turning to Gestalt for protection and a bit of self satisfaction.<br/>Gestalt has their own challenges they're dealing with.  Like reconciling what they felt for the old Myfanwy with what they feel for this new Myfanwy.  Both will make choices that will determine their fates.<br/>Some steps you take can't be erased.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gestalt (The Rook) / Myfanwy Thomas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Letters From a Living Ghost [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571962</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>War With Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was an uphill battle.  In the Alps.  In the middle of a blizzard.  An impossible situation.  It really should have been impossible.  So many things had to happen all at once.  So many impossible things. </p><p>But they had. </p><p>How could the world have ended three days ago without them being any the wiser?  It should have woken them.  Crashing in their ears as everything they loved turned to dust scattered by the wind.  Their world had ended. </p><p>And it was still there. </p><p>In body only.  Everything that made her <em>her</em> was gone.  Or.  It <em>should </em>have been gone<em>.  </em>There were these glimpses.  Echoes of what was lost.  The shadow of Myfanwy peeked at them from some hidden crevice within this new person in her body.  Was it their fault if they still responded to that? </p><p>Yes. </p><p>They were a creep.  Disgusting.  Horrible.  Not only to have made a move on someone with no memories and thus, no personhood.  Was it not your memories that made you a person?  That was the main differentiator between adults and babies.  In that respect, this new Myfanwy would be no more than an infant.  How the fuck were they lusting after a fucking baby? </p><p>They were the worst shit in the world. </p><p>On the other hand, so many parts of her were the same.  They could even fool themselves that she wasn't really gone.  She'd say or do something that was just so incredibly <em> her </em>that for a moment they hadn't read that fucking letter.  She'd never left them on Sunday.  Nothing had changed and the two of them were just... the two of them. </p><p>It hurt to touch her now.  She felt no different than she had on Sunday.  Her lips felt the same beneath theirs.  Her tongue tasted as sweet as before.  Hell, she'd felt just the same when she'd ridden them two days earlier.  Before they'd known.  Before they heard the delayed crashing of the world. </p><p>How on earth could they still love a person if the person was gone?  And was a person really gone without their memories?  Gestalt scrubbed their hands down their face as they stared at their screen in the surveillance hub.  The American had managed to find more trouble for them.  What should have been a distraction.  It was falling far short of anything close. </p><p>It was giving them some ideas on just how Myfanwy managed to lose her memories.  An EVA.  It seemed so obvious in retrospect.  So many things did.  Like what a huge fucking idiot they were. </p><p>Myfanwy was still down in the archives trying to figure things out for herself.  They'd pissed her off enough.  That was very much in line with the old her.  They'd considered going down and making another attempt at explaining themselves, but the archives were rows of storage where few people tread.  That level of privacy spelled bad news. </p><p><em> "I've got about thirty minutes where I've felt some kind of good.  Two of them were just here.  The rest were in there." </em> </p><p>What the fuck were they supposed to do with that?  She had such a small frame of reference for feelings and emotions.  She'd never even eaten ice cream before!  She had no memories of playing tag with her friends.  No memories of being hugged by her mother and father.  How could they be cheered by knowing she had no real happy memories outside of their awful creepiness. </p><p>It was borderline assault. </p><p>It <em> was </em> assault! </p><p>Oh, god.  They were no better than Andrew goddamn Bristol. </p><p>They were going to be sick. </p><p>Okay.  They were more than a little distracted.  They could blame the extenuating circumstances for why the target just got away.  At least, they would with themselves.  In the official report, they'd go ahead and put the blame on the American.  It was mostly her fault anyway.  Withholding information as she was. </p><p>Gestalt went back to their office to start on the paperwork.  A few hours later, Farrier came back into the office.  She looked into Myfanwy's empty office and frowned.  Gestalt tried to keep their thoughts away from the insidious place they kept going.  Linda's behavior was strange.  Especially what she'd asked them the morning before. </p><p><em> "I'd like you to keep an eye on Myfanwy over the next few days." </em> </p><p><em> "Myfanwy?  Why?" </em> </p><p><em> "Because I asked you to, Gestalt.  Do you need another lesson on the established hierarchy in this agency?" </em> </p><p>It only made her look more guilty.  That and her jumping to pin the bridge incident on Peter Van Syok when they knew it was Myfanwy.  And they knew Farrier knew about Myfanwy's memory.  Which had to mean she knew it had been her at the bridge.  Everything was pointing to her being the culprit, but they didn't want to believe it.  Myfanwy was her favorite. </p><p>"Alex, have you seen Myfanwy?" Farrier tapped on the glass wall of their office. </p><p>"She's still down in Archives for some reason," they reported.  If Farrier were keeping secrets from them, they'd keep theirs from her. </p><p>Farrier pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and gave a half grimace.  She turned and started for the lift instead of the stairs to her office.  Gestalt watched her curiously.  What could she be hoping to gain by tracking Myfanwy down?  Were Farrier and this new mystery EVA somehow connected? </p><p>Gestalt went over the CCTV footage from earlier that day.  A yellow hoodie should be relatively easy to spot, by this boy was near masterful in his avoidance of the cameras.  The bridge bodies were all vultures (though the American insisted her ex wasn't) which implied this memory erasing EVA must have some connection to them if they were all at the bridge together.  That went nicely with his practiced camera avoidance. </p><p>It didn't go nicely with anything else.  Like how Farrier knew about him.  Or knew Myfanwy had had her memories stolen.  Or why she'd asked Gestalt to keep an eye on her. </p><p>On a whim, Gestalt pulled up CCTV footage from the night of the bridge incident.  They pulled up a map of the area with the CCTV cameras indicated and printed it out.  They put large, black 'X's over the cameras the vultures had cut feed to.  They'd gotten the call at two in the morning.  The bodies had likely been there for around two hours before the joggers found them. </p><p>A camera across the river was slightly pointed towards the crime scene.  A few minutes after midnight, a bright light flares the lens and forces the camera to shut down for a few minutes.  They had an exact time to work with now.  They searched the other side of the bridge for a good, nearby working camera.  A building down the street had a camera on the corner three floors up pointing down the sidewalk towards the bridge. </p><p>Two minutes before midnight, Myfanwy runs out of a building across from the crime scene.  She's only in the frame for a couple of seconds.  As soon as she crosses the street, she disappears.  Gestalt finds the building she came out of on a map.  A parking garage. </p><p>There are three CCTV cameras on each of the four floors.  Gestalt scans through them all.  One camera on the second had its feed cut.  Huge red flag.  Gestalt searched the other cameras.  The one on the far wall had footage intact.  Gestalt found Myfanwy's car and rewound the footage until it wasn't there anymore before playing. </p><p>Myfanwy pulled into the parking and cut the engine.  It was seven.  Sunlight still streamed in through the walls.  The car sat there for a few minutes.  Nothing happened.  At last, she got out of the car.  She wasn't wearing the same thing she'd worn to their flat.  Myfanwy looked over her shoulder at the camera that had been cut.  For a second, they wondered if she had been the one to cut the footage.  She walked towards the exit she would run out through just a few hours later. </p><p>Gestalt fast forwarded through the footage.  She was gone for several hours.  They were already working on figuring out where she'd gone.  They went back to the camera on the sidewalk, but she took much the same route as she'd taken later that night and promptly disappeared from view. </p><p>Footage hadn't been cut on her earlier outing.  They switched over to one of the riverside cameras.  Myfanwy walked down the river walk alone.  Gestalt followed her down the walk, switching cameras as she passed them.  She stopped almost half a mile from her car and leaned on the railing.  Gestalt couldn't account for it.  They couldn't reconcile this erratic behavior with the woman who'd been in their bed only hours before this. </p><p>Gestalt moved forward through the footage.  She stood there for over an hour before two men approached her.  Myfanwy straightened.  They couldn't hear what was being said, but one of the men left with her back down the river walk towards her car.  Gestalt couldn't work out the niggling feeling at first.  They realized somewhat belatedly that the man accompanying Myfanwy was Marcus.  Monica's Marcus. </p><p>They returned to her car at a somewhat leisurely pace.  Gestalt saw the apprehension on her face.  She didn't know who was with her.  Or she did and he really was a vulture.  That wouldn't make sense with why she was leading him back to her car.  Gestalt checked the garage footage.  Myfanwy opened the trunk of her car and stepped back.  She clearly didn't trust Marcus. </p><p>Marcus didn't make any move to look in her trunk or retrieve anything from it.  He spoke again to Myfanwy, taking a small step toward her.  His body language was not indicative of intimidation.  Gestalt tilted their heads at the screens.  Marcus put both hands up to her in surrender. </p><p>Myfanwy spun around suddenly, putting her back to Marcus.  Something you should never do with an enemy and Myfanwy knew that.  Something he said told her he wasn't an enemy anymore.  Or whoever it was Myfanwy was looking at.  They came forward out of the shadows.  A woman they thought looked somewhat familiar. </p><p>She was definitely familiar to Myfanwy.  She ran forward and pulled the woman into an embrace.  They couldn't see everything from their vantage point, but Myfanwy's arms fell away from the woman and she took a step back.  Her head whipped back towards Marcus.  She looked like a cornered bunny.  Her eyes went up to the camera that had been turned off. </p><p>Myfanwy shook her head.  From the shadows the strange woman had come from, the kid from that afternoon emerged.  Their hearts sank into their stomachs.  They'd been right about one thing so far.  Myfanwy looked between all of them.  She spoke to the woman, still shaking her head.  She suddenly looked very angry. </p><p>Myfanwy pulled her phone out.  Stupidly, Gestalt thought she might be trying to call them.  To call for help.  They knew she hadn't called them that night.  Myfanwy stepped toward the camera as she spoke.  Gestalt followed her gaze as if there were a person there they couldn't see.  That was when they noticed the red light on the camera.  </p><p>The camera wasn't turned off. </p><p>Whoever was on the other end of the camera was talking to Myfanwy.  And Myfanwy knew they were watching.  And they'd had clearance high enough to not only access the CCTV footage, but to erase it as well.  Gestalt watched and hated that it was all they could do.  The kid came forward behind her and touched the back of her neck.  The neck they'd just been kissing. </p><p>Myfanwy's whole body seemed to stutter.  The phone fell from her hand.  The kid jerked his arm away and stared at it in confusion.  Myfanwy was already running.  Gestalt watched her leave through the street exit.  Inside, there was a moment of panic between the three individuals.  Marcus grabbed the kid's shoulders.  He was holding his hand and trembling.  The woman started after Myfanwy, but Marcus must've called out to stop her because after a moment's deliberation, she came back to the kid.  Marcus took off after Myfanwy in her place. </p><p>The woman spoke to the kid who shook his head and shrugged.  Gestalt realized he was crying.  Something even more horrible dropped into Gestalt's guts. </p><p><em> What if it had been a mistake </em>? </p><p>Something had clearly gone wrong.  Very wrong.  Maybe Myfanwy wasn't supposed to lose everything.  Maybe she was only supposed to lose a specific memory.  Maybe that was what Farrier was trying to do.  If they'd had the option to make Myfanwy forget Bristol, they'd do it.  But not if this was the outcome. </p><p>Gestalt closed out of the CCTV footage on everything save the tablet they took home with them.  Nothing that any wandering pawn or retainer might see.  They locked everything and made their way towards Archives.  Farrier was coming up as they were starting down.  Farrier frowned at them. </p><p>"She isn't down there." </p><p>"What?" </p><p>Farrier crossed her arms over her chest and fixed them with a weighty stare.  "I asked that you keep an eye on her these next few days and she's already slipped away from you.  Don't tell me she's outwitted you.  Or have you decided your job doesn't mean that much to you?" </p><p>Gestalt swallowed.  "I'll find her." </p><p>Farrier moved around them.  "You’d better." </p><p>Gestalt bit their tongues.  There was so much they could accuse her of, but they had no proof.  She wasn't on any of the tapes.  The only witness they had had no memories of the event. </p><p>Gestalt sent a body down to the archives just to double check.  It wasn't outside the realm of possibilities that Myfanwy was hiding from Farrier.  Unfortunately, she really was gone.  Gestalt went to her apartment.  The doorman informed them she hadn't been back since she left for work that morning.  Gestalt cursed as they sat in their car. </p><p>They finally had a lead on just what it was that had happened to her and she goes and disappears.  They pulled up the local CCTV footage and tried to find her.  They had no idea when she left.  Sometime in the past five hours. </p><p>Gestalt stopped and shut their eyes.  She could be running.  She could have used their distraction as a window to make a break for it.  She changed her mind and picked option two. </p><p>Would it be right for them to ignore old Myfanwy's request not to follow her?  Could they live with themselves if they did?  It had been her final request.  That if she had none of her horrible memories and wanted to keep it that way, they let her.  And Myfanwy had just told them she had nothing but bad memories.  Except for the memories she had with them.  The memories that should have been her worst and were somehow her best.  That alone should leave them no other choice than to let her leave without tracking her down and dragging her back. </p><p>But could they live with themselves if they didn't? </p><p>Gestalt pulled out the letter for the millionth time.  Some part of me hoped that there was some coded message.  Something that said this was all an elaborate prank.  Ten dead bodies should have been enough to convince them that this was no joke.  Myfanwy's new behavior should have been enough.  Nothing ever was. </p><p>They would give anything to free themselves from the overbearing guilt.  Endless guilt.  She'd tried to tell them her fears a month ago and they'd brushed her off.  Farrier had brushed it off, too.  They'd assumed it was just another of her panic attacks.  Her paranoid anxieties.  'Fooled by a psychic' was unfortunately a very Myfanwy thing.  All they had to do was listen to her.  Offer some sort of support.  Instead, they had brushed her off. </p><p>And they claimed to love her. </p><p>The video of her came back to the forefront of their minds.  Her terrified face as she fled the parking garage.  Blurred and slightly pixelated, but the emotion was unmistakable.  She had been betrayed by everyone.  Worst.  She'd been betrayed by them.  All they had to do was listen to her.  Really listen to her.  And they were too busy thinking with their libidos. </p><p>They weren't going to make that mistake ever again. </p><p>Their fingers drifted over her even scrawl as if they could hold the same hand that had written the words.  <em>The truth of it is I love </em><em>you.</em> How could she?  After everything they'd done.  Everything they'd neglected to do.  How could she say that she loved them still?  <em>I'm sorry I never said.  And I'm sorry I never will.</em>  She said it to them more than they would ever be able to say to her. </p><p>They had to let her go.  They had to at least do that much for her.  They'd failed her at every other turn.  Every chance they'd had to save her, they let slip through their fingers.  They had royally fucked up any chance she'd had at something happy.  The only thing they could do now was follow her final requests.  They had to let her go. </p><p>"What about the vultures?"  </p><p><em> Surely Myfanwy didn't mean for her new self to be abducted and sold off. </em> </p><p>"Maybe she didn't realize she was going to be hunted as she was." </p><p>"How would she not know?" </p><p><em> She always puts her faith in the wrong people. </em> </p><p><em> Clearly. </em> </p><p>Gestalt threw their head back against the headrest in their car and shut their eyes.  The other bodies covered their faces as they tried to figure out their next move.  They had to do something.  Anything. </p><p>They opened their eyes again and reached for the gear shift when they spied Myfanwy's Mini-Cooper turning into the parking garage behind her building.  They dropped their hand back into their lap.  Relief was instantaneous.  They leaned their forehead against the steering wheel and let out a heavy breath. </p><p>She hadn't left them.  She hadn't decided life was so difficult with them that she'd rather forfeit the answers to her past in favor of a clear future.  She hadn't been abducted by vultures due to their negligence.  Everything was fine.  Or.  As fine as it could be under present circumstances. </p><p>The light came on in her apartment.  They saw her silhouette clearly in the windows.  Her arm flung out quickly and then she disappeared from the window.  Gestalt turned off the Jeep and stepped out.  She wasn't going to be happy to see them.  They already knew.  They hadn't left on the best of terms the night before. </p><p>What were they supposed to do?  She wasn't the same Myfanwy they knew and loved.  She was someone else entirely.  Well.  Maybe not entirely.  There were still moments.  Flashes.  Their Myfanwy would poke through and they could fool themselves that her memory was still there.  That nothing had changed.  Except the newfound carnal aspect of their relationship. </p><p>Maybe they should just bite the bullet and admit that their relationship was brand new.  Part of them worried that if this new Myfanwy knew that, she wouldn't trust them as much.  Another part of them wanted to keep it just between their Myfanwy and them.  Just as they'd discussed on Sunday before she'd run off and had her memories stolen.  Another part thought telling her was dangerous.  She might tell Farrier.  Even by mistake.   </p><p>The doorman let them up without question.  It was the daytime doorman that always gave them trouble.  Gestalt chewed at their thumbnail as the lift ascended.  They didn't know what they were planning on saying to her.  How they were going to atone for their poor behavior the past few days.  They were still working through it when they knocked at her door. </p><p>They heard footsteps moving away from the door.  A few moments later, they knocked again.  The footsteps came toward the door.  The distinct sound of the bolt lock slid away and the door opened.  Myfanwy looked genuinely surprised to see them. </p><p>"Teddy.  Hi."  Her cheeks flushed before she pressed her lips together and steeled away whatever emotion was still bubbling its way to the surface. </p><p>They nodded behind her.  "You going to let me in?" </p><p>She swallowed and glanced behind her.  "Oh....  Of course.  Come in."  She stepped back and let them into the apartment. </p><p>Gestalt's brows furrowed.  She was acting suspiciously.  More so than usual.  Worse than Monday before they knew.  They glanced around the flat discreetly for any trace of what it was she wanted to hide.  Nothing seemed obviously out of place.  Except.... </p><p>"The birds are gone." </p><p>Myfanwy shut the door and came back into the flat.  She kept a more than respectable distance between them.  They couldn't decide what was worse.  When they touched her and knew they shouldn't feel the way they did about it or her staying away from them so they couldn't touch her.  Damned if they do. </p><p>"Yeah, they're...."  She rubbed the back of her neck. </p><p>Gestalt tucked their hands into their pockets and frowned at her.  "Where'd you go today?" </p><p>Myfanwy scowled at them.  "None of your business." </p><p>Gestalt resisted the urge to roll their eyes.  Sometimes she could be <em> so </em> Myfanwy.  "Farrier's given me tracking orders." </p><p>Myfanwy stared at them uncomprehendingly.  They wondered how long it would take her to understand what they were saying.  They watched it dawn on her face. </p><p>"She ordered you to track me?" She clarified. </p><p>They nodded.  "Chewed me out when you disappeared today.  I'll have to tell her something in the morning.  Where would you like me to say you were?" </p><p>Myfanwy crossed her arms and hunched her shoulders.  <em> Very Myfanwy </em>.  "I'd like you to tell her nothing." </p><p>They shook their head.  "Not an option." </p><p>Myfanwy walked over to her couch and threw herself down.  Memories of the night before flooded through them.  The feel of her lips on theirs.  The sounds of her soft moans.  The taste of her tongue.  "In that case, I suppose you may as well tell her the truth." </p><p>Gestalt sat carefully on the edge of the armchair opposite the couch.  "Which is?" </p><p>Myfanwy's lips twitched.  She met their eye evenly.  "I was with Bristol." </p><p>Everything left them.  Every emotion.  Every thought.  Every ounce of blood.  Myfanwy's eyebrows shot up in shock or surprise or alarm.  They turned their face away until they were certain they could control whatever horrifying expression was on it. </p><p>"Why?" They managed through clenched teeth. </p><p>"Why was I with Bristol?"  </p><p>They nodded, still keeping their face turned away. </p><p>"Well, you weren't exactly being super helpful.  I learned more about myself by reading my files in the archives than I learned from you." </p><p>"You only need to ask what you want to know." </p><p>"But you don't want to tell me everything.  Bristol didn't share your apprehensions."  Myfanwy shifted on the couch.  "Any of your apprehensions." </p><p>Gestalt's eyes snapped back to hers.  "What does <em> that </em> mean?" </p><p>They watched Myfanwy force herself to swallow.  Gestalt felt their eyes heat.  All eight of them.  They cursed themselves and looked away again.  Myfanwy let out a heavy breath and leaned forward. </p><p>"I'm sorry.  That was cruel of me.  It's not what you're thinking." </p><p>"You have no idea what I'm thinking," they bit out. </p><p>Myfanwy looked away to the television.  Her panic room was locked away again.  "I kissed him." </p><p>Gestalt pulled their hand down their face before fitting the pad of their middle finger between their teeth and biting down.  Hard. </p><p>"There were these... flashes.  Sparks.  It was like I remembered him.  Or... I remembered the feeling of being with him.  And I thought if I chased that feeling, I'd remember more."  Gestalt didn't want to hear any of this, but Myfanwy went on.  "It felt strange to kiss him.  Unsettling, almost.  But... part of it felt familiar.  I wanted to follow that familiar feeling and see if it led to anymore familiarity.  Any memories.  But I couldn't." </p><p>Gestalt refused to get their hopes up. </p><p>"Kissing Bristol felt familiar, but kissing you felt <em> good </em>.  It felt right.  And as soon as I realized that, I left."  Myfanwy pulled her knee up to her chest and settled her chin on it. </p><p>They didn't think she was lying.  Why would she admit to kissing him in the first place?  They hated that she'd gone to him in the first place.  They'd hated that she'd kissed him even more.  But she hadn't fucked him.  She hadn't completely thrown everything between them in their face. </p><p>"He showed me a video of me.  A younger me.  I was using my EVA on command, but I had to hurt myself first."  She looked back at the television.  "I don't remember feeling hurt when I used it in the bank.  I was just scared." </p><p>Gestalt's hearts broke anew.  She was scared because they hadn't protected her.  They'd failed her. </p><p>"I want to trust you, Gestalt."  She looked back at them.  "I don't know if I can." </p><p>They couldn't blame her.  Gestalt's loyalties were always being tested.  Thus far, they'd always swayed one way.  From now on, they'd make sure they always swayed towards her. </p><p>"You can." </p><p>Myfanwy shook her head.  "You don't trust <em> me </em>.  I think it's meant to go both ways." </p><p>They moved beside her on the couch.  Every part of them was entirely focused on their next move.  They reached out and slid their hand over hers before picking it up and holding it between both of theirs.  It was such a small and dainty hand that it disappeared completely in theirs. </p><p>"Trust me.  I will keep you safe from now on.  And I will figure out what happened to you.  All of it.  I don't care if I lose my rank.  I don't care if I lose my lives.  You can trust me." </p><p>Myfanwy's free hand cupped their cheek.  She leaned forward slowly.  Watching to see if they would pull away.  Waiting for them to turn her away again.  If this was what she needed from them, she could have it.  Hell, they needed it, too. </p><p>Her hand slid around to the back of their neck as her lips bumped featherlight against theirs.  They remembered the hesitant way they'd kissed in the hallway at the Founder's Feast.  This was different.  There was so much more to say in this small, short meeting of lips.  Unlike the hallway, they let Myfanwy decide how much to give and take. </p><p>She shifted on the couch so she was facing them more fully.  Gestalt moved one of their hands to her waist as she slid her lips against theirs again.  This time with slightly more pressure.  It was driving Gestalt mad.  Her slow, teasing kisses.  They wanted to grab her and take her then and there.  They had done that enough.  This was her show. </p><p>Myfanwy turned their shoulders so they were against the backrest of the couch before straddling them.  She sucked their upper lip between her teeth and pressed herself closer to them.  Gestalt groaned as her tongue delved into their mouth to mingle with their own.  Their arms wrapped around her back and held her to them. </p><p>She pulled back and looked them in the eyes.  "Is this still not okay?" </p><p>Gestalt groaned and pulled her back down to meet their lips again.  She kissed them back a moment or two.  However long it was wasn't long enough.  She pressed her forehead against theirs and pulled back again. </p><p>"The last thing I want is to make you angry with me again," she insisted. </p><p>Gestalt frowned at her.  "When was I angry at you?" </p><p>Myfanwy leaned back and arched a brow at them incredulously.  "When <em> haven't </em>you been angry at me?"  She held up her fingers as she ticked off each instance of their presumed ire.  "When you had to pick me up from the bar on Monday, when I fucked you before telling you I lost my memories, when I asked you who Bristol was, when I accused you of being responsible for my stolen memories, when I called you freaking out last night about wayward vultures, when I kissed you last night, when I argued with you when you told me this wasn't okay, and let's not forget a few minutes ago when I told you I went to see Bristol." </p><p>Gestalt shook their head and stroked their thumb across her soft cheek.  "I wasn't angry with you." </p><p>"Liar."  She glared down at them.  "I may not have many memories, but I know anger when I see it." </p><p>Gestalt nodded.  "Oh, I'm not saying I wasn't angry.  I'm saying I wasn't angry at <em> you </em>." </p><p>"You could fool me." </p><p>Gestalt let their fingers whisper over her frame.  "I thought you'd decided to take option b today.  When Farrier told me you weren't in the archives, I assumed you'd made a break for it."  They pushed the hem of her blouse up and slid their fingers against her skin beneath it.  "I thought last night would be the last memory I'd ever have of you.  That's the last thing I want." </p><p>They leaned forward and pressed their lips against the hollow of her throat.  They felt her breath hitch beneath their lips.  "Would you believe me if I promised not to leave without telling you first?" </p><p>Gestalt smiled before moving up to press another kiss just under her jaw.  "I believe you.  So, believe me when I tell you, I'll make sure you never want to leave."  They nipped her earlobe lightly, moving their hand higher beneath her blouse. </p><p>Something clattered in the panic room.  Gestalt jerked back and looked over at the wall.  After a few seconds, there was the distinct scraping of metal against metal.  Gestalt shifted Myfanwy off their lap and pulled their tranq gun from its holster under their left arm. </p><p>"No!  Gestalt, wait!"  Myfanwy jumped in front of the panic room access point. </p><p>"Someone's in there." </p><p>She nodded.  "There is, but I need you to stay calm.  And put the gun away." </p><p>"Not until I know whoever's in there isn't a threat." </p><p>Myfanwy crossed her arms.  "He's not a threat.  He's just scared." </p><p>"He?" </p><p>Myfanwy shut her eyes and let out a small groan before turning and opening up the panic room access.  She hovered in front of the access panel. </p><p>"Put the fucking gun away." </p><p>Gestalt didn't like it, but they stowed their weapon nonetheless.  Myfanwy punched in the code for the door and it popped open.  Myfanwy stepped inside, holding her hand out for whoever was inside.  Gestalt held their breath.  They didn't like this one bit. </p><p>"It's alright.  We can trust him," Myfanwy soothed. </p><p>From the back of the panic room, a mop of black hair stepped forward.  Wide, dark eyes looked up at them from beneath thick, dark brows.  All of that was secondary to the dirty, yellow jacket he was wearing.  Unmistakable after hours of scouring surveillance footage in search of it. </p><p>Gestalt's face fell.  They lunged forward to snatch Myfanwy away from him.  She let them pull her forward, but refused to move from between them and the EVA. </p><p>"Myfanwy, do you have any idea who that is?" </p><p>To their astonishment, she nodded.  "His name is Nazim." </p><p>Gestalt tugged more forcefully at her arm.  "Myfanwy, he's the one that took your memories."           </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, I wrote this instead of updating my other WIPs.  I'll get to it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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